Mighty Forces

I can't believe we're still debating this. But in response to his sneering, hyperbolic column, I felt the need to trod these well-worn paths one more time. Here's what I wrote to Rick:

Mr. Santorum:

You hit the nail on the head when you said that (civil) marriage is "a license granted by the government conferring certain governmental benefits." It's a shame that civil marriage and the religious sacrament of marriage share a name, because they really shouldn't. Civil marriage should not be subject to a religious test. For example, Catholics don't sanctify divorced people getting married again. If the majority of the population was Catholic, would it be OK to codify in law that divorced people couldn't remarry? No.

I don't support any church being required to marry anyone it doesn't want to. But I also don't support churches telling the state who they should be able to marry. That's what the separation of church and state (something I believe strengthens religion) is all about.

Best,
Adam.

But this isn't news, is it?

I guess the larger question is, why are so many conservatives raging assholes? What's the psychology? One way of looking at it is that today's American brand of conservatism allows them to indulge in all their worst instincts, without fear of backlash. Hell, the bigger an asshole they are, the more they are celebrated. When you even partially tamp down your asshole instincts (see: John McCain), you are vilified as a wimp and a sellout. So why wouldn't they let their ids run wild? I'm sure it can be fun, in a sick, sad sort of way.

Probably because lots of high-falutin' missions have gone by the wayside, I've decided that my mission in life shall be to eliminate from our culture the one-armed man-hug, which Wikipedia informs me is also called the "pound hug."

Seeing Tom Cruise do this grating stiff-handshake-with-awkward-one-armed-hug move on one of the Scientology videos, for some reason cemented my hatred of the American Man-Hug.

Should any straight men be reading this, let me assure you: a regular, one-second, two-armed hug with a man will not cause you to "catch gay." It's simply a gesture of warmth and love between two people. Everyone knows you and your squash partner aren't really "partners," and trust me, onlookers, should there be any, are not wondering whether the two of you are going to make out.

As the saying goes, you wouldn't worry about what other people thought of you if you realized how infrequently they thought of you at all. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake, and unlike Tom Cruise, no one cares whether you are gay or not. Get over yourself. Got it?

Thanks for your time. Now for the sake of humanity, go out and hug another man. For those who still need a little help with this concept, VideoJug has a great instructional video on the subject.

"What Huckabee told South Carolinians was, people in other states don't have the right to come here and tell you what to do with your flag. But what I heard him say when I was there was, you have the right to go to Massachusetts and tell them what to do with their fags."

-Dan Savage

I've been looking at some of the YouTube clips from the Republican debate last night, and I have to say there were some great questions asked. When a retired gay brigadier general asked the candidates why they thought U.S. soldiers weren't professional enough to serve with openly gay people, Rep. Duncan Hunter essentially said he didn't want to offend the conservative sensibilities of soldiers. Poor babies.

That reminded me of one of my favorite exchanges on "The West Wing," where Percy Fitzwallace (John Amos) wandered into a meeting where they were discussing the role of gay people in the military.

MAJOR TATE
Sir, we're not prejudiced toward homosexuals.

FITZWALLACE
You just don't want to see them serving in the Armed Forces?

MAJOR TATE
No sir, I don't.

FITZWALLACE
Because they pose a threat to unit discipline and cohesion.

MAJOR TATE
Yes sir.

FITZWALLACE
That's what I think too. I also think the military wasn't designed to be an instrument of social change.

MAJOR TATE
Yes sir.

FITZWALLACE
The problem with that is that's what they were saying to me 50 years ago. Blacks shouldn't serve with Whites. It would disrupt the unit. You know what? It did disrupt the unit. The unit got over it. The unit changed. I'm an admiral in the U.S. Navy and chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff...Beat that with a stick.

Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, who pled guilty to soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom, submitted a recipe to the "Congress Cooks!" cookbook (the exclamation point is theirs) called the "Super Tuber."

It involves, and I am not making this up, shoving a hot dog into a hollowed-out Idaho potato.

Those who still think it's OK to consider gay people second-class citizens are on the wrong side of history. Too bad history takes so damn long.

"I'm not gay, but I think my right foot might be."

-caller to The Stephanie Miller Show

Did you hear the one about Florida state Rep. Bob Allen, (R-of course), who was caught trying to offer an undercover cop a blowjob for $20 in a public restroom? His explanation? He was intimidated because there were a lot of large black men around the area and he "was about to become a statistic."

Uh-huh.

My post title comes courtesy of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show, whose writers are a damn sight cleverer than I will ever be. Stewart also had one of the best lines of the night when he imagined Allen saying to the intimidating black undercover cop, "Hey, you wouldn't hit a guy with a cock in his mouth, would you?"

I guess to right-wingers, being thought of as a racist is much better than being thought of as gay. How sad is that?

"Leftist Liberal moonbats can promote ass sex all they like, but one thing they can’t do, is prevent nature from developing ways to correct abominations that defy her intended design, and her ability to eventually correct abominations, one way or another. If aids didn’t do the job and correct behavior, butt rot, dick cancer or some other poop chute violator’s disease will eventually be successful."

-Freeper crapweasel, in a thread about ex-gays and "Big Sodomy"

Did you hear that 20 percent of Americans believe the sun revolves around the earth? And that 40 percent of Americans believe Saddam planned 9/11? The race between stupid and evil goes on.