July 28, 2005
Old poems found around
By Your Side
You amaze and incite me,
thrill and delight me.
Clean Living.
Do what makes you happy,
or at least what inspires you.
Condemned Masses
what happens in those rooms,
the caverns,
the catacombs,
the tombs
the buildings that
from dark to dawn
are filled with shadows
of wilting, rotten possibility
the derelict, defunct
dilapidation of city projects
where the convergence of coincidence
and conspiracy
keep people circling
inhumane, hellish realities
while those in control
go home to the suburbs
and their two car garages,
spend weekends relaxing
at their cottages,
and grumble at going to work
on Monday
Conflicted, but Trying
I’m trying to start over –
conflicted,
but trying.
Critic vs. Artist
Who’s to say the angles are right or not –
the images correctly chosen?
Hello. Goodbye.
We came together
from the farthest corners of the world,
to work,
to play,
to live,
to learn.
And now,
like water droplets skittering on a hot skillet,
we scatter again
across the globe,
to share,
to give,
to laugh,
to love.
Live Fully
there is power in passion –
and in daring not to accept mediocrity
there is success in never being ordinary –
in never sacrificing your dreams to please others
there is a happiness found in living fully
that “What If” and “If Only” will never know
Mistakes
The only mistakes are those not made.
Life must be lived with the whole heart –
not reserved for the perfect moment or the “right” time.
Look forward.
Jump in with both feet.
Speak wholeheartedly every moment.
My Apologies
I am so desperate to point out our similarities
that I sometimes interrupt.
For that, I am heartily sorry.
My foolish stumbling strains
an already awkward interaction.
Never Mine
You were never mine.
You were lent to me by Fate
and snatched away again
before I had the time
to know you.
Objective: Live
“The goal is . . .
to not lead a paltry existence,”
she said.
Rearview 20/20
You see the future.
Does the future see you?
Succulence
I would drink in your words
like the earth drinks in the sun.
Terra Cotta
Terra cotta tiles glazed in blue –
bright aqua blue –
and accented by language light and beautiful.
Though It Hurt
Thank you for
the forthrightness of
your disclosure.
Traded at Will
The sunlight falls
through the grate
to the tracks below
as I write,
on the back of business cards,
tiny poems
to be handed out as gifts
or traded at will.
Wipe Out
Agendas
negate the truth
and
wipe out the beauty of words,
robust language and
the richness of intention.
Words. . .
written in blood
and galvanized by fire
Your Everything
I have a gut wrenching ache to be near you,
to hear your voice,
see your eyes –
to celebrate your achievements,
support your dreams,
share your sadness –
to be your shoulder,
your elbow,
your everything.
6 hrs later, Ms. becomes Mrs.
My New Year’s wish
was to have you call and say,
“I want you in my life.
More.
Lots more.
As my wife. . .”
And I would grab my Visa card
and meet you in Vegas.
Posted by Amanda at
01:25 AM
July 07, 2005
Additional Pieces
Here are a few more pieces from my shoebox of scribblings. . .
Aimless
If you don’t know where you’re going,
you can’t get lost.
As They Come
I have no choice
but to take the words
as they come –
middle of the night
or any other time day –
spoon in hand
or mid conversation.
Balance
The world is a teeter-totter –
a tenuous balance of
peace, power and prosperity
Begged for Mercy
Some were artists,
some were poets –
all their souls begged for a mercy that
couldn’t be found among the sins of earth
Earth Angels
Some left us,
but guide us still –
touch our lives
and leave their fingerprints
on the dust around our hearts.
If You Feel Like Forever, I’ll Be Here
If you feel like forever,
I’ll be here.
We could fly away tonight
and leave it all behind,
make a fresh new start
leave the dirty laundry
and the baggage all behind
and just be the people
we know we want to be.
In Real Life
Sometimes evil drives a minivan.
Let It Bloom
Feed your soul well
and let it bloom,
hold not it back
for glory is only found
in bravery of the heart
The Letter
She signed it and
pressed a wax crest over the fold.
She had paused before scrawling out
“With all my love –“ as though
it were the admission of a secret.
She knew, however, this was not so.
He knew.
And it wasn’t as though he didn’t care,
he simply did not feel the same passion.
In his eyes, it was difficult to see her
as the woman he could spend his life with,
and she tried to understand.
It was a sad complacency –
succumbing to the constant gray,
thick and dull.
And yet somewhere
beneath the heavy globs of acceptance –
flickered an inextinguishable candle of hope.
Years of constant hiding, masking, taming.
Conscious effort couldn’t put it out.
It was always there –
as much a part of her as breathing.
Life
Music can color a room
as surely as any paint.
It can be a myriad of combinations –
vivid and bright
or chalky and dull.
Mania
The jagged torturous edges
have been dulled and smoothed by
the ever increasing daily dose of pills.
Markings of Magic
The markings of magic
lay tangled inside emotion
and drown beneath indigo ink.
Misplaced Melody
Somewhere between breakfast and dreaming,
the subtle alliteration was lost –
its gentle meaning,
its soft, uncensored persuasion.
My Heart Is Not For Sale
My heart is not for sale –
and to the misfortune of any other man –
my heart is already filled by you,
the man to whom all others are compared.
My Song
I wonder if you
will ever write a song
for me.
Secretly,
I pretend that the one
you wrote a long time ago
is mine.
Though I know it is unlikely,
I wish it were.
No Good
It’s no good to be
with someone who’s
always trying to forgive you
for who you are.
Painter’s Blood
On every canvas he left a piece of himself.
Every memory that haunted him was
given life by his brush,
the touch of his hand.
It was as if the paint mixed with his blood
and flowed through his veins
out onto each work of art -
sometimes bold and prominent
and other times just hidden whispers
Rise
Woe be the country
whose sun of liberty
must rise up from
a sea of blood
Secrets
Many are the secrets I keep from others –
never let escape my heart, my lips.
There are layers of love and layers of longing,
and levels of devotion understood by few.
The fleeting lust and infatuation felt by others
are tiny grains of sand –
crushed by the ocean waves
that flood from my heart.
Subtleties & Subtitles
The subtleties of life
play out
like the subtitles of foreign films
that always follow
a frame behind
Thoughts of You
I lie in bed at night
and think of you,
and it comforts me.
I write these lines
in the dark
as though I could see.
I wonder how
and where you are
and dream that you
are thinking of me.
Untitled
Laughing,
making mockery
of circumstances
and indecision.
Voice
Dry,
dragging voice –
maudlin and
misunderstood.
War
War –
brought by savages –
fought by unknowing children,
pondered by pundits.
Weak Words Can’t Tilt the World
My words are weak now.
They lack the vigor, the fervor
they had before you knew.
Perhaps it’s not the telling that
sapped their strength.
Perhaps it’s the knowing that
wishing cannot make it so –
make you love me,
tilt the world so you would
pull me to you.
Who Draws The Line
Who draws that line?
the fuzzy border around excess –
the shadowy elements of arrogance
and appetite –
despicable, drunken desire
Writer’s Fatigue
The same words
rolling over and over,
devoid of meaning,
just droning continuously
and draining as they go.
Pages later, it lets up.
Posted by Amanda at
01:10 AM
Quotes from Around. . .
I can't remember where some of these came from, only that they are from movies or tv shows.
MOVIE QUOTES
“The greatest tragedy in life is when love fades.” – Love Potion #9
“She must be old, she has no choice.”
“What time is it?”
“What do you care? Why, you wouldn’t even look at a clock unless hours were lines of coke, dials looked like the signs of gay bars, or time itself were a fair hustler in black leather.” – Keanu Reeves
“You have corrupted me. I was an innocent before I met you. Now look at me, just a little better than wicked. I used to be a virtuous man, well, virtuous enough.”
“gentlemen of the shade”
“minions of the moon”
“I will change when everyone expects it least.”
“Some of us find Death in small doses over a lifetime.”
“Tell me how he died.” “I will tell you how he lived” – Last Samurai
“Nations, like men it is sometimes said, have their own destiny.” – Last Samurai
“He may have at last found some small measure of peace that we all seek and few of us ever find.” – Last Samurai
NON-MOVIE QUOTES
These quotes came from other places. . .
“You do not grow old by being no fool.” – TC security guard
“bro-ing down” – Brady on the fine art of networking
“Think of yourselves as business ninjas. And now, you have two more ninja stars in your belt.” – Marketing Professor
Posted by Amanda at
01:06 AM
July 04, 2005
Lingering Things From Here and There
I have pages and pages of stuff that hasn't been posted. Some of it is utter crap, but I don't have the mental capacity to sort or adjust any of it. So, for what it's worth. . .
What I Want
I just want to be a worthwhile human being,
do something with my life that makes a difference,
and find happiness with someone who values me
as I am, in my entirety –
dreams, aspirations, fears, triumphs and failures.
Make Hay. . .
How long does it take to brush your teeth?
A minute?
Two minutes?
How is it possible to have two whole stories roll through your head in just that tiny sliver of time?
Two beautiful passages –
that I wanted to write down and thought, no...
That’s short and I don’t have a pen right here.
I’ll catch them in 30 seconds when I can grab my pen.
And they’re gone.
Untitled
The jagged, disjointed reflection of her face
stared up from a puddle in the tracks,
surrounded by garbage and
cradled in a dark, rusty sewage drain.
The Scent of Leather
The glow from the fireplace
gave the room an eerie golden hue
set off by dark red shadows
that seemed to shift and dance
as if mocking me.
I slunk further into the great couch
and continued to read.
Page by page the author’s fear became my own –
my muscles stiff from not moving.
The branches played at the windows,
scratching and...
Toni Morrison
She stood,
sharing a brilliant, jewel-encrusted lecture.
It was as though she walked down every row,
paused at each chair
and bent down to lock you in her gaze.
In her eyes,
the brewing storms of ancient wisdom
uneasy with the present.
She would lean in
and place in your hand
a giant diadem,
vibrant in color and insight.
Documentaries
It is our job as researchers to get to the heart of something, to understand it and bring that message to a broader public in the most powerful way possible. Indeed it is our duty, our obligation. But it doesn't give us license to stretch beyond what our evidence warrants. This is the power of unfettered art over the confines of traditional dry research.
At The Edge
The memory of youth
Pearched precariously
At the ledge of disillusionment
Staring at the abyss below
Untitled
It makes my skin thin
And my blood boil -
An oily mix of emotion
And disdain -
Until I feel sick
Love
Love
is but a fleeting dream
whose beauty fades
with the waking of day.
Not Lost
In the tender touch
of loving hands
ne’r a moment’s lost.
No Less
I love you no less
today
than I did
when our love was new.
Occupied By Anger
How much life
has passed you by
while you were
occupied by anger?
Memories Fade
memories fade,
grow distant –
like the coo of
morning doves at dawn
I Would
Use words like weapons
to abuse
the unsuspecting masses.
Narrow Escape
What’s the point of
narrowly escaping one death,
just to endure another –
perhaps more painful,
more brutal?
Ms. Morrison
The giver,
she offers up
thick, succulent words.
The receiver must
drain the juice
from each and every one.
Her words are heavy
and I
buckle under the weight of them.
Worn
Like a sankofa bird reaching back
her memories clung to a tattered shawl
that hung on frail shoulders
Brilliance Comes & Goes
The quality of thought moves up and down,
gets cloudy
or cuts like vivid gemstones
and is polished into its final form.
But it’s never final.
It can always be something else,
something more exquisite,
other times crude,
and less brilliant than before.
AND SOME QUOTES/LYRICS
Struggle
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. This struggle may be a moral one, of it may be a physical one, and it may be both moral and physical, but it must be a struggle. Power concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will.”
– Frederick Douglass, West India Emancipation Speech, August 4, 1857
Why?
Why do the babies starve
when there’s enough food to feed the world?
Why, when there’s so many of us,
are there people still alone?
Why are the missiles called peace keepers
when they’re aimed to kill?
Why is a woman still not safe
when she’s in her home?
Love is hate.
War is peace.
No is yes.
And we’re all free,
but somebody’s gonna have to answer –
the time is coming soon.
Amidst all these questions and contradictions,
there’re some who seek the truth.
Why?
- Tracy Chapman
She Believes In Me
“What started as a whisper
slowly turned into a scream
How good it must feel
to be so young and free
and a song that pleases a queen
will always please me
I have heard the wisest of wisdom
and I have dined in palaces and kingdoms
but nothing is as beautiful
as when she believes in me
Now all of life
is just passing the time
until once again
your eyes look into mine
I have been adored by strangers
and I have heard the whispering angel
but nothing is as beautiful
as when she believes in me.”
- Ben Harper
excerpt from Anytime
Now, more and more I wonder where you are
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime?
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me?
- Brian McKnight, Anytime
Title and Author Unknown
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your window pane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you!
Tombstone
When I die, Paul is going to buy the demo headstone at the tombstone company near West High, already inscribed with the name "Jasmer." He'll buy it cheap, and then have a tiny "Adam" and "Blust" engraved before and after the Jasmer, and tell everyone I preferred to be called "Jasmer" rather than "Adam." Now that's friendship for you. :-)
Posted by Amanda at
11:46 PM
It's Been A Long Time
Yes, it's been eons since I've posted anything. It's been equally as long since my brain has completed a thought.
I've been up at the cabin a lot, at home a lot, camping a little, and generally just hanging out with friends.
I've missed being able to just hang out with people. For the past three years I've only been able to see people in the squeezed timeframe between hurrying to/from the airport.
So, now I'm trying to chill out and think through things. Unfortunately, what I thought was going to be free, clean, quiet thinking time has turned out to be a lot more noisy and chaotic.
I haven't been able to think at all.
It's like I need a vacation from my vacation. Somewhere away. Somewhere quiet.
Posted by Amanda at
11:40 PM