Professor: "What does this tell us?"

Classmate: “There’s only one optimal solution because the isoprofit line is running tangent to the polyhedron.”

Whole class: *snicker*

Each day I am reminded of the idiocy of being here.

The other day I fell victim to an impulse purchase. You know the kind - those point of purchase displays that tempt you as you're standing at the checkout counter.

I know, I know. . .not a smart thing to do when you're in debt past your eyeballs. But I couldn't stop myself.

It was a Moleskine Journal. I have wanted one for eons but always talk myself out of getting one because I still have a full blank journal at home, and with the webblog don't use a journal that much any more.

But I own one now! I acted so hastily that I just grabbed one and handed it to the clerk as I was buying an insanely expensive textbook. Unfortunately, I wanted one with blank pages, but grabbed one that has gridded pages. (Is "gridded" a word?)

That aside, I love it. I realized how much more I write when I have a small journal with me constantly. Snippets here and there. Random thoughts that come from nowhere in particular.

It's my new treasure.

Can I just reiterate how fantastic it is to have my computer back? It is.

Can I just reiterate how fantastic it is to have my computer back? It is.

Did you know?

There are 1.2 BILLION people in the world today that are "living" on less than $1 per day. (There are only about 6 billion people in the world.)

Imagine.

If you came from a family of five (like I do), one person in your family "living" on less than $1 per day? It horrifies me. What's even worse. . .our family dog even lives on more than that. It churns my stomach.

Okay, so last semester went down in flames. I'm still coming to terms with it, but am on the mend.

Misplaced priorities combined with cultural incompatibility and resulted in an ugly tangle of twisted rubble formly known as my feeling of self-worth. Know what I mean, Vern? I have no answer for this. If I ever find one, I will publish it in a book like all the others populating self-help shelves around the world.

New year = new semester = new start = new possibility for good things.

I can do this.

I GOT MY BABY BACK!!! Okay, so really it's a computer, but I love it all the same.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the Tech Gods at CompUSA for bringing it back to life. I can't express enough gratitude. (And I promise to be more careful this time.)

42 days and a thousand miles later, it is back at my fingertips and (so far) running like a champ.

Not having it was like being temporarily paralyzed. I never truly understood how much of my life is housed on the chips inside this thing. And since school has fired back up, I haven't been able to access the network and all the course files et cetera, which, at this school, is like a game of human foozball where the stakes are sudden death.

Imagine my surprise when I clicked on my blog tonight and found. . .

nothing but white space.

Nothing.

Hmm, cosmic metaphor?

*smile*

Sure, people scoff that it was cheesy, but I think it had some great one-liners. . .

"Every life is a riddle. The answer to mine is Knowledge--balm of darkness."

"Knowledge is the enemy of faith."

"Sometimes when you look into the abyss, the abyss looks back at you."

"I loved once."

"Let your heart rule your head."

"Who is he? A rising darkness."

"It was up to my brother to raise it half way to heaven."

"When his soul was stretched out half way between heaven and hell…"

"Is it the Truth you want, or something beautiful?"

"Every fear hides a wish."

"I know of no other way to be."

"The terrible thing about the search for Truth is sometimes you find it."

"I am all that remains when everything else has gone."

"I don’t know what it is, I only know it’s worse than Death."

"The answer to your question is infinite."

"Get some sleep, eat some jello, do something."

"Is it dark where you go? Where the nightingales sing. Is your pain shapeless? Or does it take form?"

"You measure life with a ruler and a bathroom scale."

"Forgiveness for the unforgivable."

"I believe in the legacy of it all."

"In the end, like recognizes like."

"They were a brilliant mistake. Like you and me."

"It’s you and me till the wheels fall off."

"Haste. That doesn’t bode well."

"Love cannot last."

"The pain has passed. All that remains is the knowledge gained."

"Only in death do we ever really say goodbye."

"It was too important to be left to Fate."

"I want to paint sunflowers if only I had the courage."

"I will learn to live as Love died."

While I was in Wisconsin over the holiday, a friend emailed me from Norway and said it was 14 degrees there. I went to the living room window and looked out at the thermometer on the shed. It was 5. He got noooo sympathy from me.

At this very moment here in NYC, it is something like -11.

Last Saturday morning it was so cold in my apartment that the lights exploded when I turned them on. Four bulbs in all – two in the living room and two in the kitchen.

On both Friday and Saturday my hair conditioner was frozen and I had to thaw it in hot water before I could get any out of the bottle.

Argh. It seems ridiculous, but it’s forty degrees colder than freezing! It’s the same as the difference between 30 degrees and 70!

May Heaven bless the inventor of the electric blanket.

It's been nearly a month since I've been a presence in the web juggernaut. Did you miss me? (Secretly, I hope so.)

In reflection, 2003 seemed more like a decade than a year. Life never twists and turns as you think it will, (or hope it will for that matter.) I’m trying to make sense of everything, but given the deluge of all that’s transpired in the past year, it’s taking time.

In a beautiful opening to the New Year, I rang in 2004 standing knee deep in the Atlantic ocean beneath a starry, moonlit sky. It was breathtaking, really; I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.