Barzini's had strawberries out on the sidewalk tonight that smelled so good, I couldn't resist. So now I'm here enjoying them while listening to an odd compilation of music (Three Dog Night, Wilco, Police, etc.)

It reminded me of one of my favorite poems, so I dug it out to share. This is a pared down version of the whole piece...

Strawberries
-by Edwin Morgan

there never were strawberries
like the ones we had
that sultry afternoon

sitting on the step
of the open french window
facing each other

the blue plates in our laps
the strawberries glistening
in the hot sunlight

we dipped them in sugar
looking at each other
not hurrying the feast

the empty plates
laid on the stonework together
with the two forks crossed

and I bent towards you
from your eager mouth
the taste of strawberries

the heat intense
and summer lightning
on the emerald hills

let the storm wash the plates.

Used my new frying pan tonight for the first time. I love it, it's great!

Ahh, simple things.

Confession: I picked the red peppers out of the Szechuan mix before I cooked it. I like fresh red peppers, but I think they're like tomatoes - once you refrigerate or freeze them they are ruined. It changes their chemical composition.

It was a Monday night
at the laundromat up the block.
The door was propped open
and the scent of spring
saturated the crisp May air
that wrapped itself
around the heat from the dryers.
We sat playing cards
and eating dried apricots
while we waited.
It was perfect.

There is nothing that compares to the blessing of having good friends - the kind you can lean on, confide in, laugh with, dream with, and if you're lucky, grow old with.

Got this from just such a friend yesterday.

The Best Things in Life
-Author Unknown

Some of the best things in life are: Falling in love for the first time. Laughing so hard your face hurts. Steamy showers. No lines at the supermarket. A special glance. Getting mail. Lazy drives on scenic roads. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. Laying in bed listening to the rain outside. Warm towels from the dryer. Chocolate milkshakes. Long distance phone calls. Bubble baths. Giggling. Heartfelt conversations. Beaches. Finding $20 in your coat pocket from last winter. Having someone tell you that you are beautiful. Laughing at an inside joke. Good friends. Accidentally hearing someone say something nice about you. Waking up and realizing you still have a few minutes to sleep. Puppies. Sweet dreams. Road trips with friends. Watching a good movie at home snuggled up on the couch. Making eye contact with cute strangers. Making chocolate chip cookies with someone you love. Hugs. Watching the sun rise. Getting out of bed each morning and counting your blessings for another beautiful day.

You’re the thought I seek
in times of panic, find solace in.
So, for you . . .

* * * * *

I want to be with you
so bad it aches inside.

Not in the stupid, lustful,
sophomoric way,
but to just be with you.

To sit across the table
at the coffeeshop on the corner
and watch you read.

To sprawl out on the floor
in the Sunday afternoon sunshine
with a glass of tea and a sketchbook
listening to an old album
you found at a used bookstore
in the Village.

To miss you
when you’re gone for weeks
and know the joy of
hearing your key in the lock.

To leave you to solitude
and a peaceful apartment
to unwind after a long tour
while I spend the day lingering in
my favorite galleries or
meandering through the markets
knowing you’ll be home
when I get there.

I want to know what foods
you take comfort in,
how you like your laundry softened,
what makes you laugh
and shake your head,
leaning back in a chair
the way you do.

I want my independence to
drive you nuts and be endearing.
I want it not to matter if
we haven’t talked for a week
because the connection we share
can’t be rocked by time or distance.

I want us not to be
any of the people we know,
but us –
just who we are,
however we want to be.

Like two silver circles, connected -
not identical, but complementary,
each bringing balance to the other

Secure enough in themselves
to let the other do their own thing -
have their own identity beyond 'us'.

To share values and interests,
but enjoy time and space apart
to learn and grow as individuals.

I want to explore the limitless
possibilities of the universe with you,
and celebrate all the treasures
of this beautiful, messed up world.

What do you want?

"For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel, looking, looking, breathlessly." - don Juan, from A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

It is once again wicked cold out tonight. I am curled up in the blanket my sister made me for Christmas, sipping a cup of hot tea (Lady Grey) and letting Miles' "Vonetta" play over and over. What is it about that piece that is so entrancing this evening?

In the dim light of dusk, everyone is a character from a novel - beautiful or sad - extras in a silent film noir that flutters against a dusty screen. The wistful eye of passersby is mesmerizing like the buzz and hum of voices wafting from coffeeshop doorways as I make my way home.

You can almost hear it - the bustle of the streets a hundred years ago. Horseshoes on the cobblestones and the lamp lighters whistling a soft tune to the greatest city in the world. Gentlemen in tails and tophats ushering ladies in petticoats and fur muffs into carriages, off to political dinners at the home of this baron or that.

It is that certain hour of the day when the streets and sidewalks are teeming with ghosts who loved life enough to not let it go.

"Fill your mind with happy and pure thoughts, with pleasant memories of the past, and reasonable hopes for the future." - John Lubbock

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." - Helen Keller

Lacking original thought today. . .
but I found these quotes in some stuff I was going through and thought I'd share.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." - William Jennings Bryan

"The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it." - Epicurus

"The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." - Marcus Aurelius

"Stop a moment and look around you." - Thomas Carlyle

"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." - Roy Croft

Does anyone know of an online Scrabble site?

While I was home over Christmas, my mom and I played Scrabble about twice a day. Sometimes way more. That's a lot of hours staring at little wooden tiles.

Out of the approximately fifty games, I won three. Three. My mom kicks my ass every time. It's a classic example of high school graduate vs. Ivy League doctoral student = doesn't mean squat!

She's one of those crossword puzzle people that hauls out bizarre words regularly like "gnu" and I'm like "What the F*&% is that?" (By the way, it's some kind of frickin' yak.)

We were never a boardgame family like my friend Andy's family - who play Scrabble for blood. You've never seen so many seven and eight-letter words.

Mom and I are only in the 350-400 category, but she has a tendency to lay down one seven letter word in every game. I have yet to recognize that opportunity.

With everyone going back to school this week, her house will be mighty quiet again. I think a quality match of online Scrabble might cheer her up.

The other GREAT thing about being back. . . DSL. It spoils me. I love it.

How do you keep believing,
when nothing points to yes. . .
keep hoping
when nothing points to no. . .
keep the faith
that fate knows a destiny
that you don't know?

Absolutely bombed one of my final papers. Of course, it had to be the one for the professor I desperately need to impress. I wanted to ask him to be my dissertation sponsor. However, he now probably thinks I'm a stumbling moron.

Maybe it's a sign.

Maybe I should put off my Qualifying Paper (the first three chapters of your dissertation that you defend to a panel of tenured faculty to advance to candidacy) until after the MBA. (By which time in all likelihood I'll want to be out of school and take a job somewhere in corporate America, and finish my doctorate somewhere else - Harvard or Stanford maybe - I like red.)

It sure fits with the other element - turns out that the grant that I was after is not being appropriated this fiscal year. The organizations are still interested, which is good, but the funding is missing. Key component.

Maybe it's a way of the cosmos telling me I shouldn't be tied into anything long term right now. Between the grant and the dissertation, it would be at least a four year project. Hmm, who's to say that I'll even want to focus on the same subject by the time I get done at the Business School. Or for that matter, that I'll even make it through the B-school.

Both things devastated me at first, but now I think it's probably for the best. I'll work harder this way and there will be a bit less pressure.

He was under the car when I walked in - the smell of axle grease hung thick in the air. He loved that car.

I can still hear the metal casters of the creeper as it dragged along the concrete. "Hun, can you grab me the 5/8" socket?"

I handed it down. His red grease rag brushed my knuckles. That was the summer I learned how sexy the scent of Gojo can be.

We spent our days with the top down, racing for pink slips up the coast from Monterey. The palms waved us on and the radio told us to keep driving.

The sun setting on the ocean never looked as beautiful as it did that summer.

When I opened the door after getting home, a blast of cold air hit me. I'll bet my apartment was a good 20 degrees colder than the hallway.

The wind was howling through my windows and the place felt like an ice box. So, I marched over to the hardware store and armed myself. I bought a plastic sheeting kit, but my windows are so big that I had to get creative. (Yes, I could have gotten the patio door size, but it was $30 as compared to $6, so what would you do?)

I spliced together four sheets and am proud to say that it's nearly cozy in here right now. At least there hasn't been frost on the picture frames in front of the window the past few mornings.

The windows look a bit like they were done by the AJF School of How-to-be-a-prisoner-in-your-own-home, but hey I never thought that HGtv was going to film an episode here anyway.

Never stand between a woman on a mission and her double-stick tape.

Sifting through my paper scraps, I came across some quotes from my vacation that I thought I'd share. Hope you enjoy.

“If I can’t take it down with a shotgun, it scares the hell out of me.” – My brother. I don't remember what it was in reference to, perhaps it was just after we finished watching a Discovery Channel piece on killer hippotami.

“Rodeo shit” – The uncle we call "Big Larr" in reference to using the outhouse during winter.

“Dad, were there dinosaurs in the woods when you were little?” – My dad reminiscing on the things my brother used to ask when he was young.

“I like ya, but not that much.” – Grama, while trumping my ace with a nine playing three-handed euchre. (She made up for it by making cookies to take with on the plane.)

“Hey, that’s not my forklift.” – Dad, looking through pictures on his new digital camera.

“Whose forklift is that?” – Dad, still bewildered twenty minutes later.

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Leonardo Da Vinci - No, I didn't run into him. It was on the wall of a store in the Mall of America.

Well, winter break is finally over and it's time once again for another semester of intellectual stimulation. Time to take the brain out of neutral gear.

For the past few days, posting has given way to jotting on random squibbages of paper. More napkins, receipts, and envelope backs for the desk drawer.

The trip to Madison was fantastic, but far too short. Had a leisurely dinner with friends at one of my favorites - Pasta Per Tutti. (The Atwood Ave neighborhood has an atmosphere uniquely its own.) I highly recommend the herb crusted salmon and sauteed scallops. Delicious. Even more emphatically, I recommend their chocolate martini. It is by far the best I've ever had (sorry, Blue Velvet Lounge). We also caught the movie Chicago. I can't wait to see the Broadway version of it now.

After what seems like an eternity, it is good to be back in NYC. Two of the best things about being back: 1. No television. (It rots your brain and there's nothing good on anyway.) 2. No one pounding on the bathroom door yelling, "Don't use all the hot water!"

Another road trip to Madison tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me - I'm pitching a major research project proposal to the VP. Big meeting jitters are setting in because of last week's bad news. Believe in miracles?

The girls and I are then going out on the town. I can't wait. Looking forward to it.

Today, I put on about a hundred miles traveling to two wrestling matches. The last two boys of my family's 50+ year wrestling dynasty are in eighth grade now. It seems like yesterday when I was changing their diapers and making blanket fortresses for them in their living room.

Later, I came back to the Varsity dual at home. Walking into the high school gym was eerie. For a split second, I thought, "Wow. Everyone came back to watch the match over holiday break." Then I realized that they are always there. They've never left. It is their kids that are now running back and forth to the concession stand and being the matmaids.

Driving home after the match, there was country music on the radio. I rarely listen to country - but all my old songs were on and the lyrics were still the same.

But I'm different.

I value having grown up here, but I don't like spending much time here. That makes me feel guilty, but I don't know why. I'm really looking forward to getting on that plane next week. And that makes me feel even more guilty because I don't know when I'll be back.

I knew that three full weeks here would be an endurance test, and I've been managing it the best I can, but I'm ready to get back to my other life.

I looked up,
and you were standing
in the doorway,
exhausted and beaten down.

I made you a
grilled cheese sandwich -
just how you like them -
slightly crispy on the outside
and gooey in the middle.

After a long hot shower,
you slept -
peaceful and deep -
like the weight of the world
had been left at
the foot of the bed.

I’m back. My trip to Mad-town was a good one. Unfortunately, I haven’t come up with any resolutions for this year. Any achieveable ones at least. Usually my drive time is some of my most productive thinking time. Oh well, maybe next year.

Yesterday, I got two terrible pieces of news. Why is it that when things fall apart, everything comes unraveled? Why can’t it just be a thing here or there? Instead, I get layers of bad news, and each seems to intensify the others.

The one piece of good news I got yesterday sadly didn’t offset the two negatives. Good news: One of my final papers came in the mail along with my course grade, an A+. That’s kinda cool.

I spent today being a total slug. An early morning ice storm had me confined to the house. After watching the Packers lose miserably tonight, it is time to call it a day.

Provided the world keeps turning and the sun comes up, tomorrow is a fresh start.

New Year's resolutions are an awkward tradition. Regardless, I feel that I should at least have one resolution for the coming year. I just haven't thought of a good one yet. I think that will be the focus of my drive to Madison tomorrow.

Got any good ones you'd like to share?

Maybe I find it especially difficult this year because my life seems to be in a total state of flux. Usually I have some vague notion of what the future will bring - a picture in my mind of where I'll be and what I'll be doing over the course of the year.

I have no such vision this year. Looking ahead I just see fuzz. It could take any shape, completely unforeseen or otherwise.

My philosophy has always been that life is a series of turning points - that everything happens for a reason. Right now, I think the turning point(s) for this year are out of my hands. They'll largely be determined by people other than myself.

Whatever happens, I hope it's good.

Much self-inflicted illness today. We rang in the New Year in grand fashion.

I hope you feel better than I do.